if i end up an old cat lady its not my fault

last saturday nite in adams morgan my girlfriends an i encountered the full spectrum of socially retarded men…or so i thought! sunday evening i received what is most certainly the most inappropriate text message ever sent after a first date. i should have seen the warning signs when we spoke an hour before our tentatively scheduled “date” and he still had no idea about where or exactly when we would be meet. seriously…what is WRONG with men these days?! he finally managed to come up with some semblance of a “plan” i.e. select a location and time to meet me there (wow…difficult). the date itself only served to confirm that this guy (though seemingly nice enough) was not for me. no spark at all; not even decent conversation. i head home with no intention of going on date #2.

sunday rolls around and he texts me about going salsa dancing wednesday. he earns a point for advance planning, but still im just not into him. at this point i could simply not respond and hope he goes away…this is common practice and generally acceptable behavior after one or two dates. however i decide its more mature and polite to text him saying that i cant do salsa, he seems like a good guy but i didnt really feel like we clicked. THIS is what he texts in response “yeah i agree, but i was really looking forward to the sex.” ummm really. i wasn’t! WHAT THE F&*^! first of all i cant imagine what gave him the idea there would even BE any sex…i was not at all attracted to him which was apparent in my decidedly un-flirtatious demeanor. furthermore i ended the nite early and LEFT him at the bar then declined the second date! and this makes him think im interested in sex? men are fucking delusional.

to be fair, i could imagine a scenario where sucha  text MIGHT be appropriate…say if two people had been out a couple times and there was a palpable sexual tension between them despite signs that perhaps a committed relationship wasn’t a likely outcome…in that case things would be different. this guy clearly isnt familiar with the subtleties of body langauge and the intricacies of interpersonal dynamics which dictate the liklihood of sex. he is apparently operating under the more animalistic gorilla-level thinking that he is man, i am woman and therefore we “do it.” 

though the text message gaffe was a first, this guy was one of many poorly socialized undateable guys disguised as an educated civilized person. oh the array of bullshit i have encountered!

i would rather just be an old cat lady with some awesome vibrators

my date and i both wore turtlenecks…

but his was on his penis. And so begins my journey into the world of intact foreskin.